


Tender Love

by Baekeon



Category: Baekhyun - Fandom, EXO (Band), Taeyeon - Fandom, baekyeon - Fandom, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Romance, Slight fluff, canon AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-01 03:02:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12147225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baekeon/pseuds/Baekeon
Summary: Time flies by so fast during algid winter nights and comatose summer mornings, sometimes lingering here and there, other times just running like a goof from their nemesis. It’s hard to keep track of it as flashing lights and silent mutters keep the eyes shut from seeing what’s really beyond things. While she feels as if her life is more exposed with every passing minute, Taeyeon finds small gestures and text messages to expand the seconds by decades or on the contrary, making them speed up so fast she loses focus of her daily routines. Yet these transient moments grab her forward, pushing to the last limits until she can’t cope with the pressure anymore and starts longing for comfort just by taking a gander at the two syllables on the telephone screen, so close to her tender heart.





	Tender Love

Cold Sunday nights were Taeyeon’s favorites. After a hectic week where she was just running from place to place, from one event to another, taking small breaks and idling around the dorm counted as a weekend trip for her. Except without the fun and thrill. The excitement has vanished from her life some time ago, who knows when. Possibly between countless TV programmes and prosaic practices, still lingering around pointless text messages and SNS updates.

December 2013, it was one of the rare occasions where she could have the weekend all for herself. She didn’t plan on going out anywhere, just staying home sleeping, listening to music, maybe drawing or learning the lyrics for an upcoming comeback album. Wow, what a variety. Although the years have taught Taeyeon that expecting anything more spectacular would be a waste of time.   
When she opened the door, Ginger was already running around the entrance and sniffing the plastic bags she brought with herself, most of them containing junk food and some beauty products she was given after a CF event. Taeyeon leaned down to ruffle the fur on the dog’s back affectionately and give her a dose of air kisses. She turned on the lights and was shocked to see what mess her pet created all around the living room and hall.

“Aigoo, Ginger, what should I do with you?” she sighted while walking to the kitchen to grab a broom and clean up.  
Twenty minutes later everything was free from dirt and Taeyeon was lying on the sofa in front of the TV, switching from one show to another while petting Ginger in her lap. Her phone buzzed and lit up so she grabbed it to check. 

2 unread messages from Baekkong.

She sat up immediately, leaving Ginger to crawl away from her embrace, and unlocked the screen to read the texts. The first one was a short “Hey Noona! What are you doing?” while the second was longer than the previous ones the boy has ever sent to her. “I’m currently at a photoshoot and taking a break and I was just wondering if you had any free spots in your schedule for today, because I may leave early and if you wanted to spend some time together I would want to as well. Last week you said we don’t hang out with each other and we even need Hyung’s help to meet up, so I thought it was about time, hehehe. ^^”

Taeyeon was looking down at her phone broodingly, yet with an unassertive smile, tapping the side of the phone cover. This boy just knew when was the right timing. In fact, he just kind of knew how to do things right in general, a skill that the girl have always wished to have. She texted a “Hi Baekkie! Sure, we can hang out, ring me when you’re done and we can go out!”, put her phone at the hand rest and went back to watching the TV screen, but that’s about it, because her thoughts were flying away far from the room, the apartment, too distracted to take in what the light brown haired woman was saying about next’s weeks upcoming rain storms, or something along those lines.

She thought about this a lot. Truth be told, she was always cogitating about things, meaningless or very important, didn’t really matter, it was her nature to overanalyze everything, but say nothing about it. But this matter had her bothered for weeks, make her more insecure than ever. Taeyeon didn’t understand what it was. Or maybe, she just didn’t want to accept it. Scared of this feeling that might entice her badly, to an extent where she can’t turn back.

They’ve known each other for well over a year now. It was nothing special really, everyone was close to their colleges and mentors in the company. Simple, polite words exchanging every day, sometimes meant, sometimes not but who cared anyway. There was no hate or disrespect behind white lies and dishonest words, just modesty towards one another, empty words to encourage empty souls switching from place to place at late hours. Although there were a few somewhat close friends to Taeyeon, like Heechul, Minho, and now Baekhyun, it never seemed to bother her in any way particular. The latter one, however, did. In a very unusual, fulfilling way.

***

From time to time Taeyeon would go and check on EXO while they were training. She never bothered during dance practices, but she sneaked inside the rooms where the recordings took place. Usually, the majority of the members finished quickly, due to the lack of their lines in songs. Baekhyun, Jongdae and Kyungsoo were the last to finish, sometimes just staying behind and going through the notes for the nth time. She listened to them for not more than five minutes, outside the door without the trio knowing. Maybe it was weird, she thought, but couldn’t help it. It seemed to gladden her more than she cared to admit.

After an SMTown concert sometime around august 2012, Taeyeon went back to the company building to pick up her things she left there due to her clumsiness. The building was almost vacant as she walked through the hallways, some workers left there to clean up the mess the idols have made. As she reached her group’s practice room, she heard someone bustling in a smaller one next to theirs. Usually, she wouldn’t even pay attention, but since it was too late for anyone else to be messing around, Taeyeon went closer to observe what was going on. She stooped down and waited. 

The din has stopped. She wondered if they acknowledged her presence, but that thought quickly flow away as she heard some kind of tune starting to play from the other side of the door. It was really quiet, but Taeyeon could still gather the melody, and it appeared to be some kind of old ballad she once heard. Then, something clicked inside her head, and suddenly remembered that she sang this song on a radio once, second year into debut. It was“Spring Flower” by BMK, although only an instrumental version. 

A loud sigh came from the other side, and Taeyeon caught her breathing for a moment as a familiar voice started singing. A man’s voice. Soothing, she would describe as, yet holds a bit of bitterness that creates a sole sound to it. Maybe, at another time it wouldn’t even cross her ears, but at this moment, something seems different. Between the lines of the chorus lingers a hint of dolor, uneasiness. He must be tired, judging from the cracking of his voice at some parts, yet he manages to sing it twice without once stopping for a longer period for air. To Taeyeon, it surely seems like he’s pushing himself. Then, could be because of how late it is already, her brain flashes another switch of a light bulb, somewhat too late, and the image of the voice’s owner pops into her head. Suddenly, the background music that probably came from a cellphone stops and the door opens, too soon for Taeyeon to jump away, and as it slides open, she finds herself on the floor, the result of trying to escape too slowly and the push of the door. The other one steps out in a blink to see who he managed to jog down. 

“Noona?!” shouts Baekhyun as he poorly tries to help Taeyeon up, his face frightened and voice high pitched. “I-I’m really sorry, I had no idea you were here!”

“No, no, it’s okay, nothing happened, I just-“ Taeyeon checks herself for any potential rips on her clothes. “I was about to go-“ all of a sudden, she realizes how stupid it would look for her to just leave without a further explanation, so out of embarrassment, she stares back at Baekhyun, who’s face went from pale to a cute rosy color in less than three seconds. Taeyeon feels her checks warm up as well, and since she’s no longer wearing make up, the effects of her tragic fail just a second ago will show sooner than she’d want it to.

Baekhyun takes in the girl’s sight in a hurry, like it was a sin to look and then steadies himself, bringing a hand up to his chest and straightening his back to gain a better posture.   
“Ah, I’m really sorry, I just called Taeyeon sunbaenim noona a second ago” he mumbles “ I didn’t mean to, it just came out because I got scared there for a second.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” says the older one, slicking her hair back to look a bit more put together, although nothing can really redress the idiot she made out of herself in front of her donsaeng.  
Then, there’s instant silence, with the two of them just staring at each other. Taeyeon feels like her mouth is getting drier by every millisecond, with the boy staring at her with his small, yet charming eyes. She wants to say something, to break the ice between them, but nothing comes to her mind. She’s not the one with the incredible small talk skills, that’s why she occasionally brings herself into awkward situations like this one. Damn, if only Sunny, or Tiffany was here to save the day.

“It’s kind of late to be at the company building alone, isn’t it?” says Baekhyun out of the blue, yet it doesn’t feel strange or weird. It sounds like a mentor lightly scolding his student, but in a funny matter, and it somehow manages to ease the tension build up inside Taeyeon.

“Ahh, it is, I came to grab some things I left behind the other day” the girl smiles, a bit brighter that it was indented, and starts to sway back and forth where she stands.”Are you practicing this late, Baekhyun-ssi?”

“Well, something like that. I was just in the mood to sing something different from what I’ve been listening to all day long.” He has the ends of his lips slightly curled up while he talks, and although Taeyeon assumes he’s unaware of it, it sends a sense of annoyance in her chest, embraced by dizziness and humiliation. 

“But I was about to leave, because my ride is waiting for me downstairs.” He leans back into the room to grab a dark blue sweater, and Taeyeon takes this opportunity to place her hands on the sides of her face, only to feel how deeply she’s blushing. She pinches her right thigh to calm herself with the sudden pain. “Yeah, me too, so I guess I’ll just take my leave now..”

“Don’t go just yet, noona!”

Taeyeon can feel hot fingers wrapping gently around her wrist, and a heavy pulse against hers, only to slip away a moment latter. She turns her head and sees a flustered Baekhyun, biting his lower lip in embarrassment, and looking everywhere but at her face.

“Ah, I’m really sorry, it just came out…” he says, shamefully, and Taeyeon waits to hear the word ‘again’ to make sure the boy is talking about the sudden change of informal speech anew, but it doesn’t leave his lips. 

“I just wanted to ask… if sunbaenim knows the song I was singing earlier.” he whispers slowly, every syllable clear and he looks up, straight into Taeyeon’s eyes, like he wants to burn the words he just said into her consciousness.

The older one hesitates, but she lowers her voice as well when she speaks. “Of course I know, paboya. I knew it before you did, am I right?” she sends him a smile again, in an attempt to assuage the atmosphere. It seems to do the trick though, as the boy smiles back, whole-heartedly, his eyes disappearing and teeth showing adorably. 

“I listened to it the day it was aired” he breathed then he licked his lips in anticipation “and I thought sunbaenim sang it beautifully.” 

Taeyeon can sense the boy’s intentions as he speaks, although everything’s unsaid and shady. Many people have done this, trying to grasp her, become close trough fake empathy or an invisible bond that is never really there, just because she’s Kim Taeyeon and being all shiny and friendly with other idols appeals to the public. There’s a glint of hope however, as disappointment leaves her body trough a small sigh, that this case can be a particular one.

“Thank you, Baekhyun-ssi, your cover is also really great, but I don’t think you should be going over your own boundaries while singing, because you seemed to strain at some points.” Cold, for sure. And the girl immediately regrets stepping into this stage, because the boy has no way of knowing her raw, honest nature. That she longs for more than just casual, benevolent acting.  
“I know, I was just trying to-“ the younger’s words are cut off by the other’s cell phone, ringing loud in her pocket, so she fishes it out and takes the call immediately, knowing already that it must be her manager.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m down in a minute, just wait a little more oppa.” she ends the call blissfully, drops the phone back into her bag and looks back at Baekhyun, whose face went from cheerful to semi-serious in a matter of seconds. And even though Taeyeon likes to admit she doesn’t care, because she’s only caring on the outside, she feels a bit dejected upon seeing the boy’s expression. After all, not everything has to end on a sad note.

“I need to go now so take care Baekhyun-ssi!” the older one says, and she wends her way where the exit door locates. The ruckus of her heels is ringing loudly as she walks on the hard floor, steps short and quick. But then she stops midway and glances back at the boy, who’s already started packing up his things and is probably waiting for the girl to leave first, so it won’t be weird for them to leave the building at the same time. 

“By the way, you can call me noona. It’s more comfortable.” she grins, and is expecting a smile from the other as well, but it doesn’t turn out the way she awaits it to. 

Baekhyun’s features turn limp, then there’s flushing and a hand hoisted up to cover his mouth that can’t cease a wide smile. A small laugh escapes from his lips, eyes budging around like he doesn’t know what the right answer is, even though it’s really uncomplicated. He straightens his back, fingers now tugging at the hem of his grey shirt, wetting his lips in a brief motion and smirking back at her.

“Have a safe ride, Taeyeon noona.” he replies sweetly, voice low, a smirk travelling across his cheeks and he sends a little wave towards the other. Then, he throws his bag on his shoulder, and adjusts the fit of his sweater, ready to leave as well.

Outside the SM building, she climbs into the dark colored van where most of the members are removing their makeup, sleeping or just listening to music to cool off that day’s excitement and rush. And while their manager starts the car and Taeyeon apologizes to the girls for being late, she doesn’t miss noticing the fact that the boy’s tranquil voice still circles around in her head.

***

Three quick knocks on the door.

Taeyeon’s mind travels back into the narrow walls of her apartment. She bounces up from the white couch, startling Ginger who was peacefully sleeping right beside her. Still wearing a short lilac dress from her previous photoshoot, she throws on a black varsity jacket just next to the door before she opens it.

Baekhyun is standing there with a black snapback covering his dark blonde locks, dark green coat hiding his figure, black jeans and a pair of brown boots. Phone hanging in one hand, a plastic bag in the other. Despite having a cover in front of his mouth, his face lit up when the girl greeted him.

“Good evening noona, may I come in?” he says playfully, lifting up his hands so the beverages in the bag make an implying noise.

“Of course, step inside!” she goes along with it and withdraws from the way.

“I bought us some bubble tea along the way, but I’m not sure if you like this kind. I couldn’t look around much, the shop was really crowded and two teenage girls noticed me so I had to choose fast.” He explains while Taeyeon grabs the plastic from him, and he takes off his coat and places it on a hanger. He is wearing a black hoodie underneath, maybe a few sizes bigger and face pale, nose red from the cold outside.

“I like almost every flavor” she explains while lifting off the boy’s hat, gently tousling the hair beneath. It’s rather soft despite the rough treatment from the stylists and nicely romping in between her fingers.

They stand by each other, a bit too close but neither of them finds it inconvenient. Baekhyun is often said to have a small build compared to his other members, but whenever he’s next to Taeyeon, his shoulders seem a little wider, legs longer, hands bigger. It’s natural, she wonders, because her frame is in fact really slender, almost childlike. But lately, Baekhyun seems taller not only at times like this, but almost everywhere she sees him. His presence appears to has become larger and even if he’s around Chanyeol or Sehun, the singer always catches sight of him first.

She looks up at him, gazing at his eyes embraced by dark circles under them, but gracious nonetheless and lively as he stares back at her, sight a little lower than usual, gathering around the thin line of her lips. Taeyeon slightly opens her mouth at this, to which another pair of lips agape is the answer. The atmosphere around them instantaneously turns intimate, something heavy settles in the air, maybe longing,   
maybe timidness or both. But lack of courage stops them and the older removes her regard from the boy, who’s now frisking the plastic bag to fish out the two cups filled with bubble tea and continues on with the conversation like nothing’s happened. After all, nothing happened.

“Then you get blackberry and mine’s the chocolate” he smiles and walks to the couch, making himself comfortable next to Ginger, who only noticed his presence now and wiggles around him happily, getting a pet in return from the human.

“Looks like she missed you.” Taeyeon states as she sits down as well, Ginger creating a rest place for herself on Baekhyun’s lap. The girl leans over and pats the dog’s head.

“Yeah, she’s still adorable as ever. Is she the only one though?”

“Of course not, I’m adorable too!” she says and makes an exaggerated duck face, leaving the boy giggling with his right hand raised up to his face.

“That’s not what I meant thought.” he hinted, looking at her for a moment too long with that aggravating half smile of his, than back at the dog.

Taeyeon can feel her cheeks warm up, but she tries to sustain her calm that she’s supposed to, and not let feelings such as surge of anxiety butt into her emotions.  
“I missed you too.” she hums, followed by unreadable expression.

A small laugh escapes from the boy. “Wow, noona. You really do know how to make your dongsaeng flustered.” He leans back on the couch and grabs his nape, soothing the skin under his touch. He seems tense, Taeyeon thinks, almost like he’s hurting. But to be honest, it wouldn’t be a big surprise if he was, given the schedule he has to go through every single day. It is far worse from hers, yet here she is, complaining about it to herself, like she’s the only one capable of suffering physically. But it’s often said that hope is the last to die, and right now she wishes that somehow, if there’s any chance to ease Baekhyun’s pain, she would surely go out of her way to do so. 

“Noona?”

The younger’s soft voice caught her attention from her daydreaming and she jerked a little bit when she noticed her right hand softly lingering around Baekhyun’s behind the boys’ neck. It must have reached its way up while she was deep in thought and not realizing how pushy it may have come off to him. Nevertheless, the boy’s face reflects anything, but discomfort but only until the girl’s fists find their way back to her lap, resting there.

“Sorry, I got distracted… It looked like it hurt.” she explains.

“Well, it’s much better now.” he sighed carelessly, making the older skip a heartbeat. It’s not supposed to be like that, Taeyeon states in her head, these are just empty words. But why are they getting her so worked up all of a sudden?

They spend the next thirty minutes small talking and watching a film, that turns out to be more boring they first thought it would be. It only serves as a background noise anyway, since it’s easier to fill the occasional silence with the actor’s voices than with theirs. It doesn’t occur very frequently though, since Baekhyun is the master of keeping a conversation alive, even if his partner is a self-confessed introvert, like Taeyeon. It never feels like he’s the person who always talks. He asks the girl about many things and cracks a few – maybe more – jokes here and there that always seem to lift the atmosphere. Comforting, is how Taeyeon would describe their little meeting at this late hour, but soon she feels her eyelids growing heavier with time, and she finds it hard to focus on the TV screen and the boy at the same time, so she just sticks to listening only to the latter one. After it becomes almost unbearable to keep her head still, she closes the distance between them by propping her had on the side of Baekhyun’s shoulder, who doesn’t seem to react to this at all. His shirt smells of detergent, hint of cologne and smoke, which has the other one pondering about its origin. The mixture of scents still tickles nicely around the girl’s nose, creating a notion of familiarity.

“Baekkie” she voices “do you smoke?”

The younger doesn’t look bothered at all about the question, contrary to what Taeyeon expected of him.

“No, I don’t. But some of my members do, rarely. I was out, taking a break with Kris and Sehun today at the photoshoot, while they lit up their cigarettes and I called my brother. It was kind of a private chat, so I didn’t want the staff, or our manager to hear it.”

If Taeyeon wasn’t as sleepy as she was, she could’ve sworn Baekhyun shifted an inch closer to her on the couch.

“Aren’t your members afraid it’ll get out? Not judging or anything, but they should be really careful with those kind of things.”

“They usually do it in the dorms. It was an exception today, they couldn’t get any sleep last night due to some unfinished projects Kris mentioned, and Sehunnie kind of just tagged along. It’s their way of keeping pressure in, when it gets too much.” he whispered, noticing his companion was at the verge of falling asleep.

“And what about the call from your brother? Was it serious?”  
“Just the usual. But he’s been mentioning it more, recently. He says he can’t imagine me doing this for longer than five years, tops.” There’s something fumy in the way the boy speaks, but Taeyeon can’t grasp just what it is.

“And what do you think about it?”

“I told him honestly, just like every time he mentions the subject. I’m the one who applied to this, so I gratefully accept the challenges ahead of me. And even if I slack sometimes, I want to get back on track as soon as possible.”

“How come after two years, you still talk like a rookie? Has it never crossed your mind how sick our system is?” she lets out a small, almost soundless giggle. 

“Countless times, noona. But I have to see things in a different way, otherwise I’d lose it. I can’t stand being sad and depressed. I have my moments, but those never define me.”

Taeyeon pulls down the hem of her dress that has furled up a bit from positioning herself closer to her companion. Baekhyun’s sight travels toward the action, then back again at the screen, where the only thing he can find as a distraction is the credits rolling down slowly, and he swallows. 

“Funny. You act much more mellow than I did, during this time of our careers.” she hums with a sigh, and her expression turns from still to turbid. “Say Baekhyun… where do you think we will end up, eventually?”

“Well, if we’re lucky, we’ll all have a nice family, children, and a brush to comb our grey hair before getting put underground in a comfy grave.” he jokes, sort of.

“You know what I meant, pabo.” she declares, feeling a little riled up because she should’ve known by now, that this boy isn’t the sensitive, brooding type. Or at least he hides it well.  
“Sorry… what is that noona believes in?”

“Nothing. The more days pass by, the more I feel like I have less facility to control what happens with me. Every year is the same: practice, interviews, make up in the morning, a swollen foot at night. I don’t know if it’s passion driving me forward or I’ve just gotten used to this pattern. Probably the latter.” The jacket on her back feels heavier and warmer than before, but the spot where it’s aligned with the other’s burns.

“That is the worst thing to believe in, noona.” Baekhyun bursts out “well, of course you have your opinion and I respect that, but you have to respect me too for not finding your opinion well thought out. The way I see it, our lives aren’t as bad as you make it seem like. Sure, enduring and hiding is not what people our age do, quite the opposite. But haven’t all of our efforts paid off at some point? We didn’t exactly know what it would take, only imagine… but you and I, noona, are not different from them.” his talking is collected, even though he’s just rambling what’s on his mind. The older feels taken back, but she wants to reason with him.

“How are we similar to them? They’re exposed to so much more joy. I haven’t seen my family face to face for over months now, had to secretly date people and eventually break up with them, while seeing couples holding hands, through the windows of our vans, headed to Music Bank. When that man dragged me down from the stage, and me not being able to fight back because of a minor injury and exhaustion, I was told to “suck it up” because that couldn’t possibly affect our activities, since he didn’t cause physical damage to the members.”  
She hasn’t noticed while talking, but Taeyeon was holding Baekhyun’s arm rather firmly, getting frustrated over the memory. The boy gently placed his hand on top of hers, salving the skin on her knuckles.

“I just… feel tired. I’m grateful to all the wonderful things that happened to me, ever since I became a SNSD member, but the bad ones clearly outweigh them. And I’m worried that one day, I won’t be able to go on anymore, not because of the pressure, but because of debility.”

Baekhyun is silent for a minute or so, and he turns off the TV with the remote next to his right thigh. Then, bringing back his hold on Taeyeon’s hands, he plants the side of his face on the top of the girl’s hairline. Their position feels congenial, despite the fact that they have never gone this far regarding physical contact. Sure, the girl has encountered him closely like this with small hugs and a friendly pat on the shoulder, but that all it was – amicable. Right now, this is perceived as something much more intimate. Not necessarily intimate like an act between a woman and man, but rather as what really close friends do when words aren’t enough for comfort. So why is Taeyeon’s heart beating so fast in its cage?

“It’s like balancing on a thin thread sometimes, isn’t it? You just keep going and pushing, because that’s what they tell you to do, that it is right to step over your limits for the better, but what is that you’re working so hard for, really? It can’t be money, considering they keep you low enough so you won’t overspend even on food, like, how dare do you actually want to stay healthy. Our fans, they say? Those people will turn their heads as soon as they see a pretty pale face flipping their shiny locks higher than you do. Wait, I forgot the best one: to become a true artist. Isn’t that the funniest, Baekhyun? Look, I can sing along and dance to songs I have had no part in choosing, let alone creating them. It’s all just a big fat lie, but what makes it worse is the fact that everyone knows the truth, yet they keep pretending not to, because it won’t become real unless someone puts it into words.”

The boy keeps soundless through the other’s assertion and patiently waits for it to end, so he can speak up again.

“Well, if you put it that way, it does sound tragic, but noona, don’t say it like this is the worst thing human kind had to deal with. There are plenty other jobs out there which are way worse than showing a flashy smile at the cameras every once in a while. I think the reason you’re fed up right now is that while people notice all the small matters about your public self and your appearance, they can’t break down the walls and look behind the fairly scenes to see something so fragile and broken. Celebrities have that kind of privilege, of everyone paying attention to them but nobody at the same time, in the meantime, regular people’s problems go unnoticed by the media, but they have families and close friends to rely on and they’re able to let the steam fall when it gets too much. Well, we have that chance too, but it’s never a full recovery. However, you can’t blame them for not acknowledging our true faces, because this whole thing is just what it’s supposed to be: entertainment. And a sad story is never as fascinating as a happy one, right?” 

It’s so quiet after hearing out the boy’s approach to the matter, yet Taeyeon’s head is so noisy and busy, running around to find a nice sentence hidden somewhere to fight back with, until she realizes that’s what she always does. Not verbally, perhaps just shutting a door close at something she’s supposed to calmly reevaluate. 

The older hears Baekhyun smile into her hair when it hits her just how locked they are sitting now. She immediately breaks their touch and sits up straight while the other follows the example, disappointed. Ginger judders for a second somewhere in the dark room which is only lit up by the light coming from the kitchen. Taeyeon’s hair falls from her shoulders to sit in front of her chest and Baekhyun follows the action with his sight, shyness forgotten about what else it might look like. His gaze is so tranquil, expression light and hair so fluffy, the girl feels like tugging on it a bit just to make it look less perfect but she blows down the urge to do so.

Why is she having such thoughts right now? This is not how she should react to his presence, be it them snuggling close to each other or just having a casual conversation. But then again, why does it come so naturally? Why does it feel so-

“Right.” she mutters, being sure she wasn’t referring to the boy’s question. “It’s getting quite late actually, you should probably head back to the dorms.” she adds, but doesn’t move away at all.

“Did I say something to upset noona?” the frown on Baekhyun’s face is always a waste of wrinkles, when they could appear at times the boy is smiling brightly.

“On the contrary, I’m doing a lot better now with you here, but it’s really selfish of me to let you stay longer when-“ her voice is caught off with a light touch of the other’s fingers running onto her open palm on the sofa, intertwining their fingers together and leaving Taeyeon massively blushing.

“Then why kick me out so soon, noona? I know it’s my first time in your apartment, hanging out just the two of us, but I don’t know when will we get that chance next, so what if I stay for a little longer? It’s not selfish if it’s making you feel better.”

It’s embarrassing, really. This situation is nothing, but embarrassing and yet everything else.

“What are you saying, that doesn’t make sense, pabo.” she returns to her scolding voice, but not for long though, as she senses a strong pair of arms stretching around her narrow shoulders and locking her in a hug so warm and so lovely that it leaves her feeling she’s never been properly embraced before. 

“I’m really sorry, noona, I am. But I just… couldn’t… keep it in, not after seeing that expression on your face.” Baekhyun whispers into her left ear, causing her to shiver.“I know that this… I mean, us, shouldn’t mean anything like what I’m doing right now, but Taeyeon noona, if it feels wrong, please just shove me away right now, and I will never disconcert you like this.”

As his lips brush next to her earlobe, she raises her hands to lean away from the boy, but she soon discovers that her limbs must have grown their own consciousness, because her palms end up at the lower part of the other’s back, pulling him in closer, and it’s the scariest, yet most enchanting experience Taeyeon has come across since a miserably long time ago. 

Baekhyun smells of shampoo and cologne, and a third scent that wraps around Taeyeon like her favourite winter sweater, only that collection of cotton doesn’t do half the job of warming her up. Their legs are mushed together due to the way they sit, oh so close to each other. 

Taeyeon feels relief and confusion wash over her at the same time, because so many questions are being answered with the silence that has fallen over them, but it brings up even more with every inhale aimed towards the boy’s neck where she buried her face. 

They pull away at the same time, keeping their distance not so far, eyes gazing into the depths of dark orbs, pleading, as they mirror the words “can I?” and none of them is sure about who is the first one to lean in to place their lips against lips, exchanging so many thoughts by the meeting of their flesh. And it tastes so sweet and delicious, like the kind of cake that your grandmother only cooks at Christmas, so you savor every bite of it, because you won’t be having any of it again for a very long time. 

And if Taeyeon thought this moment couldn’t be more heated, she is proven wrong yet again, when Baekhyun’s weight gently pushes her upper body down on the soft fabric, and he locates himself on top of her slim figure, every spot flaming where their skin meets. They don’t break the kiss, in fact, the girl gives a heads up by parting her lips slightly, giving more access for the other to divulge inside. And despite both parties being inexperienced, the older already scribbles a mental note on the list of things Baekhyun is definitely good at. 

The air around them soon becomes too torrid, and the varsity jacket haltingly sheds off her back, sleeves nudging up on Baekhyun’s arms. Taeyeon feels somewhat uncovered beneath him, only with a thin layer of cloth covering her from the waist up, since the end of her dress has slid up so much that it’s now barely covering her hips and underwear. She buries her digits in-between the boy’s locks and lets the younger take hold of the situation. However, she attests to be greedy as she lets her other hand trail across Baekhyun’s chest, up to his neck curling behind his nape. The gesture fuels the blood in the younger’s veins, resulting him in slithering down the tip of his fingers on her thighs and leaving the other shiver beneath the touch.

Something started to unravel in both of their hearts, a tight knot that has been resting there ever since they first laid eyes on each other. Still, none of the two are sure what it is. However, as the younger gave a sudden jerk of his hips and leaned away from the girl, she soon realized that what they’re doing right now could lead to something much worse and complicated. She’s not the only one who’s aware of that thought as Baekhyun retreats even farther and sits up straight on the couch, gaze at the ground and she follows his doings right after. 

They stay like this for approximately a minute until Baekhyun finds enough courage to speak up.

“I’m really sorry noona, I…I thought I had more control over myself.” his voice cracks a little but he manages to finish the sentence and looks at the girl with an apologetic pout on his face which reminds Taeyeon of a lost kitten, or maybe a puppy. His lips are prettily swollen, filled with color and softness and Taeyeon confuses the feeling of wanting to keep leaving changes like this on Baekhyun’s body with the feeling of guilt that she’s responsible for the boy looking so vulnerable and riled up right now.

“We got carried away a bit, it’s okay. I want to apologize as well, don’t worry it won’t happen again.“

Surely, those weren’t the words he wanted to hear. He leans forward and hides his face in his hands, letting out a long sight, not looking back at the other. Taeyeon has never seen him like this: he seems tired but also furious, like he’s on the verge of losing his cool, even though Baekhyun’s never proved to have bad temper. The girl ignores the way her heart beats rapidly in her chest and tries to reach out for his hands, expecting him to pull away or not react at all. She regrets not choosing her words more wisely, but what else could she say?

On the contrary to Taeyeon’s predictions, Baekhyun raises his head and grants a flashy smile, his previous state instantly forgotten. It’s amazing, really, the older thinks.

“It’s getting late, I should go. You need to rest too, noona, don’t you stay up all night! It’s almost time for a new year, you should relax as much as you can.” says Baekhyun while standing up and ambling to pick up his coat from the hook on the wall. He’s back to his cheerful self, and maybe it shouldn’t, but it leaves a bitter feeling in Taeyeon. 

They don’t need to open their mouths about the subject. It’s crystal clear and because of that it carves a deeper wound into one’s soul because there’s no possibility for a better ending and hurting feelings is inevitable. It’s so obvious, Taeyeon thinks. She’s been selfish for a while now. 

There’s not much an idol can hold on to in a world without sincerity. So many things are unreal, fake and blurry, she can’t even remember when she was herself for the last time. She’s not even sure what defines Taeyeon, the singer and Kim Taeyeon, the person underneath the pretty face. No one can know what this lifestyle offers unless they’re living in it. And as much fun it seems to carry, it’s never going to fulfill the empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

Baekhyun’s fixing his hat on top of his blonde locks and inclines to put on his shoes while the other gets up from the couch in a sudden stir and launches herself towards the door.  
It’s scary. Nothing has ever lived up to be as reckless as what Taeyeon has in her mind now and her hands are turning red from grabbing the handle so hard.  
“Noona?” Baekhyun manages to utter but he’s frozen, standing next to the girl, who’s blocking his way. She looks vulnerable, cheeks flushed and breathing uneven and the way she stares back at the boy causes him to falter.

“I-“ she starts, but for a second or two looses track of what she was going to say “I don’t want this to become something we will forget about later.” Taeyeon takes a step closer and lays her fingers in-between Baekhyun’s slender ones.”I might be capable of hiding pain and disappointment, but I can’t endure things that bring me joy.” 

The younger’s eyes widen, as if he’s unable to process the situation being thrown upon him right now. His coat falls on the floor, his fingers slightly shake and everything switches back to the state he’s been in few minutes prior: the excitement, rush, intimacy and affection all tangled together, just like their hands seem to be as Taeyeon steps even closer to his body.

“You saw it coming too, huh?” she murmured, and Baekhyun’s heart skipped a beat in both realization and happiness, because for the first time in months he welcomes the feeling of understanding and agreement.

“I’m definitely not easy and wouldn’t do something like that consensually with someone if I didn’t have feelings worthy enough.” The shyness and uncertainty reflected in the crimson color of her cheeks can’t be found in the assured state of her voice. Baekhyun’s eyes are coated with a layer of want, accompanied by something he feels unsure justifying. Everything takes place so effortlessly and he wishes he never had to feel the colds of his hands again, but from this moment on he always will. 

“I’m really obvious, aren’t I?” he asks, smirking, and Taeyeon does a silent giggle followed by a sudden hug. She rests her head on his chest and Baekhyun holds her as close as he wanted to since he came clean about his feelings to himself, quite a while ago.

There are two types of worlds which they are a part of right now. The one where they are both singers, idols if you will, doing group activities. They get tired constantly. It’s scary and comforting doing mundane routines, getting unpaid with growing popularity. Nothing is ever enough. They both look and sound good, people love them and it’s the most terrifying type of love. In which everything they could be will be considered wrong.

And there is the world which is still unknown, created by gazes exchanged for too long, hands accidentally touching and musical notes playing on the right beat. With all the beauty it holds, it also shatters the other one and will never be as stable or excepted. Yet it brings the most fulfilling feeling Taeyeon longed to find, with the right amount of honesty and simplicity. 

She will never be able to merge these two worlds together. But at this point, she doesn’t feel like she needs to. And just by guessing the warmth that pours into her soul from the boy’s body, Baekhyun might just feel the same way.


End file.
